Thursday, October 13, 2011

Nekkid Vampires on the Loose AGAIN


Back in August I had the pleasure of reporting on a half-naked wacked out dude who broke into a woman’s bedroom in the middle of the night and assaulted her all whilst hissing like an animal and biting her neck. However, as unbelievably freaky as that crazy vampire-like attack might have been, apparently it wasn’t a bizarre one-off incident.

In early September, 22 year old Floridian Josephine Rebecca Smith engaged in her very own version of “Vampires Gone Mad”. St. Petersburg police reported that Smith attacked a 69 year gentleman who had fallen asleep on the deserted porch of a local Hooter’s restaurant. Smith told the undoubtedly shocked senior citizen that she was a vampire and then proceeded to savagely bite him, tearing off chunks of his face as well as a part of his lip.

Fortunately the victim was able to scramble back into his motorized wheel chair and hightail it to a nearby gas station where he was then able to call the police. And thankfully, despite being someone’s drink du jour, the old man’s injuries only required stitches. He is expected to fully recover but will no doubt steer clear of blood thirsty twenty-somethings now and in the future.

Authorities later found vampire girl half-naked and covered in blood on the porch of Hooter's, claiming she didn’t remember anything about the ghoulish attack. After assessing that Smith herself had not been attacked, police arrested her and booked her on charges of aggravated assault on an elderly person. Her bail was set at US $50,000.

Clearly Little Miss Vampiress has had one too many drinks from the devil’s cup. Let’s hope she and Vampire Boy don’t hook up and spawn their own clan of mini vamps once they are finally released from the supernatural wing of their respective local psychiatric hospitals.

Happy October my lovelies!
xo The Empress

18 comments:

  1. They aren't vampires, they're idiots.

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  2. @Tony Van Helsing: Seeing as you are a Van Helsing and all, I'd say you are the real authority on such matters. If you declare them as idiots, then so it shall be!

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  3. What the hell is wrong with people? Listen, if you're into drinking blood, that's cool. That's your own business. But don't friggin break into some stranger's house and bite them! That's craziness.

    Hooters have porches? You learn something everyday.

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  4. @the Tsaritsa: Amen sister! And don't make a human cocktail out of a little old man passed out next to his wheelchair. ...As for the porches, that was new factoid for me as well.

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  5. Man, I'm never going to Hooters again.
    Especially after the sun goes down.

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  6. @Al Penwasser: In the event you do, just don't forget to pack your wooden stake and a few big cloves of garlic.

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  7. I blame TV. It's television that gives these idiots all of their crazy ideas!

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  8. Uh.... Wow. I'm not sure what I can say on this one. Way too many True Blood and Twilight sickos out there.

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  9. @danjor21: Certainly seems like cases of life trying to imitate 'art'.

    @Thank,Q: That is saying a lot of you are relatively speechless on this one Q!

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  10. Here's the question...did she cover herself in glitter before she attacked?

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  11. Another great post! Keep up with the excellent blogging! You're really good at it! - http://www.d22-zone.com

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  12. Yeah sorry, the name Hooters always make me laugh far too much to concentrate on anything that's said after.

    But I think tru blood has a lot to answer for.

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  13. damn i live in FL and missed all that action. Thinking i need to pay more attention to my neighbors and their activities

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  14. @Danger Boy: Ha! No official confirmation from the authorities, but word has it that there may have been traces of sparkly stuff at the crime scene ; )

    @D22 Zone: Thanks so much for your kind words.

    @dirtycowgirl: How about boobies?

    @becca: Please let us know if you get any local updates on the story.

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  15. So good to hear from you as always. What the hell is wrong with this world? Too much Vampire TV? Alcohol? This is really sick. When I was a kid we grew up with Dracula (Bela Lugosi, John Carradine) and we didn't walk around biting and attacking people. The only thing I did was give good hickies on the neck! Never drew blood! Hugs sweet lady.

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  16. Only in America? Joking. We have our share of whack jobs, just no vampires recently

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  17. @Bouncin' Barb: Back in the good ole days! Hugs to you too!!!

    @dirtycowgirl: Jamoonas? Is that another word for vampire or wack job?

    @Mynx: Hello my dear! I noticed you wrote the word 'recently'...

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